My New Eyes

I was online at CVS and noticed an odd looking man in his twenties. He looked as though he tried to give himself a backward Mohawk. His hair was all chopped up, and clothes a bit disheveled. Honestly, my first impulse was to be leery of him, I mean he looked kinda out of sorts. It soon dawned on me that he may be "Out of Sync".

"The Out of Sync Child" is the bible of autism world. It discusses SPD in length (Sensory Processing Disorder). SPD is a key component in autism. Autistic children do not process information from their environment like "normal" children do. Essentially their senses are out of wack. They either crave stimuli, or are over stimulated by their senses of smell, touch, hearing etc.

I continued to watch this young man purchase his goods, and talk on a cell phone. His voice was louder than normal, and he was repeating himself a bit. What was more interesting to me was the way the cashier addressed him or rather didn't address him. She wasn't outwardly rude, however you could see that she was distancing herself. She offered little or no eye contact and "forgot" her normal "Have a good evening" at the end of the transaction.

A heavy blanket of despair hung over my shoulders that night. I was disappointed in my own initial reaction. I was suddenly hit with the realization that this could be my son in 20 some odd years. It was then when I started to think about the times I was irritated by a misbehaving child in the store, the mom who I perceived to be negligent in discipline.

Andrew's diagnosis has given me a new perspective on the world, and I am a better person for it.

Baby Steps

Today, Andrew twisted a switch that made a little lion pop out of its box. He's been playing with that toy for months, avoiding the one that required a twist, but today HE GOT IT!!! So proud of my little man.

Another exciting development is the discovery that bear hugs and deep massages, help to calm him down when he is upset. Apparently he's craving that input so we have found a little clue to the puzzle of what works for Andrew. I am really looking forward to more discoveries.

Overwhelmed

We haven't started ABA (Advanced Behavioral Analysis) yet, and I am already overwhelmed. Five days a week, Andrew has therapists coming over, sometimes twice a day. Each time, I worry about whether he has eaten beforehand, did he have a nap, is he going to comply with the demands they make. I am lucky, I get to see Andrew at his best. He's an adorable, loving, interactive hugging machine. Yet, when they come, they don't get to see this.

The boy can't win I tell you. If he does as he is told, and completes a puzzle, the therapists lament that he isn't giving proper eye contact. If he runs away, non-compliant, he's too self directed. 5 days a week, I have people telling me that there is something wrong with my son. Well yes, there is by golly.. he's AUTISTIC.

Sometimes I feel the need to point out the good because they aren't looking. They are stuck on their agenda, and don't acknowledge the fact that this 2 year old just sat for 45 minutes doing everything you asked of him. I have 2 other children who are "normal" who would never sit down for 5 minutes, let alone 45. He completed the new puzzle, or matched the pictures, stacked the cubes, and pushed the right buttons. PRAISE him. If you do, he will eat that up. He will perform even more. If you are all business, he will be all business also. He won't look at you because frankly, he senses your distance.

Ok, I am done venting. I know I am over reacting and probably over identifying. The thing is, I love him. I hate to see him frustrated and miserable when I know that generally he's a happy little man. I want you to see him as I do, but I can't make him give you that. That is something you need to earn by being his friend.

P.S. If you could throw me a bone every once and a while, I would appreciate it. Tell me about his progress and his strong points. Believe me, I know the negatives by heart.